by Joe Pellegrino, Legacy Minded Men
If you ask most folks in the states when Mother’s Day falls on the calendar, they can tell you, the second Sunday of May. But when you ask them the same question about Father’s Day most will have no idea and some might even say “is there still a Father’s Day???”
Dads have a bit of a perception problem these days. Maybe it's time that we start a paradigm shift. Why not offer a blessing to fathers this Father’s Day?
It’s not complex. It’s straightforward. It’s a word of approval or a word of support. It’s a word that bestows confidence, hope, and a sense of well-being. And brings affirmation. It’s a word that allows a young child, a woman or a man to move forward boldly, humbly, but with courage and confidence into the future. It’s a word that says, “You are a masterpiece that has been created for a unique purpose in this life.” It’s a word that helps our children, our family, our friends, and those we work with know they are valuable and fashioned for something special in this life. Finally, it’s a word that ADDS VALUE to another! As a father myself, I can say while some of us have received a blessing, many of us have not. Several years ago at one of our men’s conferences, we gave a call for men to come forward who felt they had never experienced a blessing from their parents, family, or anyone, but particularly from their dads. To our amazement the majority of those present came forward - men from their teens to their 70’s. When we see people who are excelling in life, regardless of their family’s financial or economic status, we often will find folks who come from a loving, supportive, encouraging family background that continually imparted words of blessing into their lives. They were told they could do anything in life they set their heart and mind to.
Studies have shown that many super successful people who even came from very difficult and distressed families and backgrounds made it in life because of the words of blessing spoken to them.
The men that walk in your doors with your clients may never have had such affirming words spoken to them. In fact, they may have heard nothing but discouraging, demeaning, and angry abusive words. Whatever the case may be, when you take the chance to offer them a blessing, they can learn to bless others as well.
Perhaps this is the way to help shift from Father’s Day to "Fathers Say."
Men are being pulled in so many ways today that distract them from their primary roles as husbands and fathers. As a result, all too often, our children suffer. Now, more than ever, we need to understand the true role dads play in their children’s lives as our kids face a world we could never have imagined. What fathers SAY can determine their child's WAY. Let's turn everyday into "Fathers Say" by continually blessing and mentoring our children or a child in need.
Offering a blessing to a father can create a ripple effect that gives them the inspiration to do the same for their children and families. This is what "Fathers Say" is all about – fathers stepping up to offer blessings to people in their lives. This is the power of an encouraging word! Who knows, it may even result in a re-launch of Father’s Day!
"Fathers Say" is a concept and book available from Legacy Minded Men. For more information, click here to find out how you can engage, equip, and encourage men to be the fathers and husbands they were made to be.
by Lisa Pinney, Pittsburgh Transformation Center
Those involved in the work of caring for the traumatized or struggling, often do not see the slow growing signs of secondary trauma (STS) in their own lives. We are so focused on the person in front of us that we forget to pay attention to our own needs. Among helping professionals, the risk for secondary trauma increases if we have our own unresolved trauma. The difficult stories we regularly listen to also increase the possibility for compassion fatigue.
Many times, friends and family will notice the changes before we do. Whether we are like the proverbial frog slowly being boiled, in denial or just others focused, the impact takes its toll on us, our families, and the important work we do.
What Others See
What We Will Notice (even if we haven’t put the pieces together yet.)
If we do not want to be taken out of our callings prematurely, we must care for our whole being. Body, Soul, and Spirit.
There is so much out there in the way of self-care; but, like Paul, we do not always do what we should. I know I should take care of myself, but I do not. I know exercise reduces stress, but I hate to sweat. Our bodies tend to hold onto stress. That means we must find ways for our bodies to let go of the stress and trauma. Dr. David Bercelli developed Tension & Trauma Releasing Exercises (or TRE®). TRE is a somatic process. These sweat free exercises help release tension and calm down the nervous system all without having to revisit a negative event.
Stress and trauma are also held in our souls and emotions. As Americans we spend a lot of time in our heads. We can talk with a good friend that holds space for us. We can seek out a professional. Both options help us process and care for our precious emotions. Why do I say precious? Because they are the very tools God has given us to be able to be compassionate, empathic ministers to the hurting in their time of need.
Last and most important is caring for our spirits. We are spiritual beings housed in a body and soul. If our soul is overwhelmed, our spirits have a more difficult time being nourished. In addition to our regular devotions, we all need ongoing encounters with a loving God if we are going to be who God created us to be and work with the hurting.
As a certified encounter coach and owner of Pittsburgh Transformation Center, I help others with anxiety and unprocessed trauma. I have watched God bring peace and rest to the clients I serve, by healing soul wounds and meeting the emotional needs of their hearts. I watch clients breathe freely and witness the relaxing of shoulders as God speaks to their innermost man. Tears may flow which indicate a letting go of distressing emotions and confusion as God meets them in very personal ways. It is so life giving. In my opinion, these tools are essential for everyone. But they are especially needed for those with unresolved trauma.
Recently, I was in a conversation with a woman and expressed to her that the tools for both trauma and secondary trauma are different. Reading, worship, and prayer are essential, but with trauma you need additional tools. These tools I speak of, heal the emotional heart, reviving us. This could be the missing link in self-care. Caring for our spirit could mean the difference between longevity or abandoning our callings.
Now try this: Think about your own anger. Are you wanting to withdraw or self-medicate? Are you numbing your difficult emotions? These are common responses to the stress and trauma we are experiencing. So, take time to get in touch with those tough emotions. Feel your feelings. Pay attention to your thoughts and the stories you tell yourself. Sometimes, what you are thinking is what is causing all the trouble. Instead of suppressing them bring them into the light where Jesus can illuminate. Ephesians 5:13 TPT says "Whatever the revelation-light exposes, it will also correct, and everything that reveals truth is a light to the soul."
by Jennifer Minor, Editor/WriterHeartbeat International
I’m one of those blessed adults who had the joy of growing up with a nurse for a mother. There are several ways this affected me as a child. I used to go to work with her sometimes where she trained nursing assistants and my brother and I would practice skills on the mannequins. I don’t remember a time I didn’t know the basics of CPR. As a seven-year-old, I once told the school nurse I was feeling “rather lethargic.” She sent me back to class and called my mom to share the story.
All my best advice comes from my mom. “If you can fix it, fix it. If you can’t fix it, don’t worry about it.” There’s plenty more advice I’ve taken and given from her, but even though she said this when I was freaking out about a 5th grade reading assignment, I think about it every day.
Over the years, there have been a lot of hospital visits with my family, usually my grandparents. Unsurprisingly, we’ve depended on my mom a lot in those times. Her experience as a nurse and in training nursing assistants to provide care made it only natural that she would take point and help us understand what was happening.
The funny thing was, she didn’t want the medical staff at the hospital to know she was a nurse most times. I imagine most nurses understand why. If the surgeon working on your mom’s back finds out you’re a nurse, he’ll speak directly to you assuming you can explain anything your mom really wants to know later. Conversations about care quickly become insider conversations, leaving the rest of the family in the dark or getting the information later from the nurse in the family, who has to now take the time and effort to translate what she learned.
Partly though, I think she was less worried about being a go-between than about us learning to interact with medical professionals well. I know today if I see a doctor, I ask a lot of questions, and may drive them a little crazy, but I know what’s going on with me medically so I can make informed decisions about my care. I guess that’s one way she was being a great mom in the midst of things.
Somehow though, she always gets outed eventually. Sometimes, a former student of hers comes and says, “Mrs. Minor! Do you remember me?” Other times, she asks a question with just a little too much insider vocabulary. Then there’s my favorite time. She was leaning on my grandpa’s bed. I don’t even remember what procedure he’d had or anything, but an alarm was going off sometimes and we weren’t exactly sure why. Honestly, we weren’t that worried about it because a nurse or nursing assistant would come in and turn it off and leave. Finally, one of the nurses said to my mom, “You know, you’re making that alarm go off when you lean on the bed.”
She reacted like most people would, jumping back from the bed and apologizing, but she made one addition that gave her away. “Oh! It’s a falls risk bed.”
From then on, at least on that shift, everyone knew she was a nurse.
While the technical stuff can make it easy to identify a nurse, even if she was hardcore undercover and managed not to out herself, being around a hospital floor or medical team for long enough, they always figured it out eventually. Her patient (pun intended) care for any family member in the hospital shows it every time. My mom is identified as a nurse – and a mom – because of her compassion, her expertise, and the trust she inspires.
Yes, I know, I got those words from this year’s theme for National Nurses Week, but it’s true. And I find that compassion, expertise, and trust are words that apply to mothers as well. The best mothers pour out compassion constantly, are experts on their kids (and many other things), and inspire trust. My mother certainly has my trust (and, if I may speak for him for a moment, my brother’s as well).
So this year especially, when Mother’s Day lands right in the middle of National Nurses Week, I want to say a special thank you to my mom.
Mom, thank you for everything. You continue to be a role model for me every day. I hope your Mother’s Day, and your National Nurses Week are joyful and blessed.
And a special thank you to all mothers and nurses out there. Happy Mother's Day and Happy Nurses Week!
by Lisa Bourne, Managing EditorPregnancy Help News
I was fortunate recently to catch Terrence Malick’s film, “A Hidden Life,” on an airplane during a trip taken as a belated celebration of my husband’s and my 25th wedding anniversary.
The film’s main character, Austrian farmer Franz Jägerstätter, refused to sign an oath to Hitler and fight for the Nazis during World War II because of his faith. He could have agreed to and (presumably) eventually returned to his wife and three daughters and their simple farm life.
But his conscience dictated his obedience to God over man, and he was executed.
His story was largely unknown until the mid-1960s. Jägerstätter was later declared a martyr and beatified by the Catholic Church. The film was beautiful, brutal and inspiring all at once.
Among the many things it brought home for me was how each life is a story packed with importance and meaning, no matter what, even as most of those stories go largely untold.
My father passed away last Saturday, March 28, from complications of an apparent heart attack. He was 84. He’d been taken by ambulance to the hospital late Wednesday night, and received treatment for his heart, kidneys and more in the following days, but he became unresponsive midday on Friday.
Because of the COVID-19 pandemic no one was allowed in to see him, not even a priest, until he was cleared from having the virus (he later was).
The first chance I had after my dad had been hospitalized, I inquired with the hospital on the phone into whether he could be denied care amid the pandemic, his being 84, having a weakened heart and compromised lungs. The nurse was taken aback at the question, replying that things hadn’t come to that in Dubuque (Iowa).
But what if they had? I’m sure there are many people across the world right now who never thought their parents would be in that situation. I remain confident that it would have been at least naïve not to ask.
I rushed with my brother through the several-hour drive to our hometown that Friday, praying we’d make it in time.
Because my father’s death was imminent, they began to allow us in, though only two at a time.
We took over for two of my sisters; my mother had gone home to rest.
My brother and I were blessed to stay overnight and keep watch.
Over the course of the next 14 hours we were able to get numerous responses from my dad, I think because the morphine he’d initially been given had worn off.
We were able to see, hear and say things that were an absolute blessing and a gift, for us and the entire family.
I video-called people who could not come, including his sister, the remaining sibling in his family of eight children. This also included my husband and kids - my eldest daughter and son-in-law with my three-month-old granddaughter, who my father had not yet met.
We prayed the rosary, played some of his favorite music, and listened to Mass on my phone.
As I texted my siblings to let them know he could hear us and was responding, even saying things, my sister told me to let him know that all of the abortion facilities in Iowa had been closed, referencing the governor’s clarification earlier that day that surgical abortion procedures were included in the state’s suspension of non-essential medical procedures in response to the coronavirus.
Though this was inexact and threatened lawsuits have since drawn out that some surgical abortions are still permitted in Iowa during the pandemic, nonetheless, in that moment it got a marked happy response from my father.
His nurse was nearby, saw this and laughed. I held his hand as I said, “They’re non-essential, Dad … but then, we knew that….” Another positive response.
These responses were just part of the gift of those 14 overnight hours.
I’m so grateful we were there, selfishly for us, but also for him.
I was exceedingly grateful as well to later learn that a priest had been able to anoint my father and he’d been given the full extent of the sacraments that he could have received in his condition.
My dad passed his commitment to life on to me, along with his devout Catholic faith.
Just as with Malick and his film about Bl. Jägerstätter, I couldn’t possibly completely sum up my father’s life, let alone what it meant to me or countless others, nor will I, even after I may come to terms with his death. He was and is my dad.
Our relationship hadn’t always been easy, in fact it was difficult for a time. And so, perhaps one of the greatest lessons he gave me was that life can be messy, but even so, it’s always a blessing, and beautiful – a gift from God.
He taught me too that some, really most, of its greatest blessings and beauty are found in everyday life.
As the funeral home appointment approached on Sunday, I tried to wrap up my part in putting together the draft of his obituary before we would sit as a group and craft the final document. I was in my pajamas, the shower was running, and I had to keep running back to the keyboard as things came to me.
As of this writing nearly a week later they’re still coming to me, and I hope they never stop.
So far, his death has punctuated the profound fact that – whether healthy or ill, elderly or nascent when it ends, surrounded by loved ones or alone, ended by the hand of God or that of man – every single life is precious to God.
There are no hidden lives. They may be hidden to us, but not to Him.
In your charity please pray for the repose of the soul of Charles Theodore, and for comfort for his family. Knowing my dad, he’d want you to pray unceasingly for the unborn, and all human life, as well.
by Ellen Foell, Esq., International Program SpecialistHeartbeat International
Like most of the world right now, I am online much more than ever before. I recently came across the following:
نقش خودتان را ایفا کنید : کووید-19
COVID-19: Recommandations de la Santé Publique
Kajin Majōl (Marshallese)
MELELE KO KINCORONAVIRUS
CORONAVIRUS (ခိၣ်ရိၣ်နၣ်ဘဲရၢး) အဂ့ၢ်အကျိၤ
by Mary Peterson, Housing SpecialistHeartbeat International
Shortly after my brother died, my sister and I went on an adventure in Belize to experience an epic sunrise in his honor. That's how I found myself in the early morning pitch dark of the rainforest, situated high on an ancient ruin, listening to the nerving sounds of animals crying out. Above the unfamiliar sounds of monkeys and such, the call of a bird rang out, a "blackbird singing in the dead of night." And, from the depths of my memory a Scripture appeared, "My soul waits for the Lord more than watchman for daybreak." (Psalm 130:6) The moment pierced me. It was a dark and confusing season; I was being invited to hopeful anticipation.
I can get myself good and worked up, just like the next person. Get me going in the "what ifs" and I start doing mental gymnastics. To survive my years of maternity housing leadership, I was forced to learn the lesson: Don't pre-worry! Just deal with what's before you! And, Scripture backs it up: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:34). This hard-won lesson was an anchor in leading my organization and for me, it is a tether in this uncertain season.
Self-care teaches us to do the things that soothe our spirit. Fo me, I go for a walk, put on some Taize music, or fidget with a game on my phone. I'm practicing the art of mental distraction: not following thoughts into dark rabbit holes of worry! Our faith calls us higher - literally, to direct our attention to things above.
We are living in the confusion of Good Friday -- trying to make sense of the events unfolding, feeling a bit unsafe and scared, tempted to deny Gospel truth to protect ourselves. But Easter daybreak is coming. It is promised and it will arrive. Until then, we sit in hopeful anticipation. We long and we wait. Maranatha!
I thank God, whom I serve with a clear conscience the way my forefathers did, as I constantly remember you in my prayers, night and day. Longing to see you, even as I recall your tears, that I may be filled with joy. -- 2 Timothy 1:3-4
Suddenly the new phrase, “Social Distancing” is an integral part of our culture’s vocabulary, thanks to a pandemic none of us expected.
In a recent Heartbeat International staff meeting however, our staff was considering another way of thinking about this new catchphrase. Instead of saying, “social distancing,” we’re inviting ourselves to say, “Physical distancing and social connecting.”
by Beth Diemert, Ministry Services Specialist/Academy FacultyHeartbeat International
I have seen this meme a few times now on social media, and every time I do, it catches my eye. Mostly because it pushes my life button. For me, it just captures the very essence of what it means to be life giving. Pardon me for a second as I get a little graphic, but they say the best way to define something sometimes is by defining what it is not. What it is not is life sucking. You know the kind of thing that sucks the life out of you and makes you want to die? It’s exactly the opposite of that.
And it doesn’t just apply to women. It’s really more for humans across the board… so welcome everyone!
Here is the deal, the work we do is intense. The world of alternatives to abortion, “intervention, securing, and sustaining” life-affirming decisions takes effort! Those of us called to this work know that we are secured by the Giver of Life himself with all we need to “fight the good fight.” But the question is, “what fight is that exactly?”
Paul, in 2 Timothy 4:7 says he has “fought the good fight, he has “kept the faith” which is the heart of the issue - standing for truth and preserving the faith. But Paul also reminds us in Ephesians 6:12 that in the fight “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood” but the battle is “against spiritual forces of evil.” Being one who straightens crowns without mention, means that you clearly understand the difference between the two.
Within the pregnancy help community, there are a myriad of thoughts, theories, and methods for helping. We share a lot of commonality in what we do, but we also have a lot of differences. We are all called to be a part, contributing what the Lord gives us, in the way He leads us to do so. As the body of Christ, there is room for difference within the same mission.
But, crowns get crooked when someone is critical of another’s thoughts and methods, just because they are different from their own. Crowns get crooked when, especially in a public way, one is critical and vocal about another’s way of achieving the same mission. So, here is the secret of what a silent crown fixer knows.
Celebrating another’s achievement, honoring another’s creativity, and acknowledging another’s hard work that gets us closer to the bulls-eye, makes you authentically pro-life in every way. A silent crown fixer is confident enough to know that we are a community, and supporting each other in every positive way we can, not being critical, will bring blessing and increase overall, and peace and solidarity within.
A.A. Milne, author of the beloved Winnie the Pooh series demonstrates this in the relationship depicted with Pooh and Piglet. Though Piglet is small and timid, he is Pooh’s closest friend amongst all the toys and animals. Pooh’s love for him gives him great confidence to declare “The things that make me different are the things that make ME.” And Pooh celebrates Piglet!
So…go be a silent crown fixer. Find a crown to fix today. Speak life! Be life! And wear your own crown tall!
by Jor-El Godsey, PresidentHeartbeat International
We didn’t ask for this fight. We really just want to help women make the healthiest choice for all involved – the choice for life.
That’s what “pregnancy help” is all about anyway. That’s what started this movement more than 50 years ago. The desire to make sure there were alternatives to abortion for those in the “valley of decision.”
But others, especially those from—or in league with—the abortion industry have decided to fight alternatives to abortion. This has manifested itself in zoning laws and Supreme Court decisions. Our opposition has demonstrated an increasing willingness to use political power and negative digital reviews.
Earlier this year, we learned that two pro-life informed consent laws recently passed in North Dakota were being challenged. You can read more about the specifics of that here. Heartbeat International, has weighed into this fight because the issues at stake in North Dakota have national implications.
But what does that all mean for you? At the moment, unless you’re pregnant in North Dakota and seeking an abortion, it doesn’t mean much at all. If you are, then it means you’ll be denied some key information relating to alternatives to abortion and you’ll have less knowledge at hand to make a fully informed decision.
For the rest of the country and the pregnancy help movement, the legal wrangling in North Dakota won’t have an impact until the lawsuit is decided. Even then, both sides of this seem resolute enough to appeal to the higher courts. Such actions will likely take months, maybe even years. So in the short-term this lawsuit won’t affect anyone outside of North Dakota for a while, if ever.
Although the impact in your part of the country may not be immediate, you can certainly be involved by praying for our pregnancy help colleagues in North Dakota who are affected. You can include prayer for wise counsel from our legal teams and for favor with the judge(s) to see how important it is that every woman be loved and supported in her pregnancy. This means equipping her with the information she needs to make the best decision for every life involved.
Together, with God’s present help, we can take heart in “fighting the good fight of faith” (1 Timothy 6:12).
So they were saying to him, “Where is your father?” Jesus answered, “You know neither me nor my father; if you knew me, you would know my father also.” John 8:19
When Jesus met the adulterous woman, he confronted those who wanted to stone her by asking only those without sin to cast the first stone. After her accusers left, Jesus asked, “Did no one condemn you?”
When she answered that no one had stayed to pass judgment, Jesus told her, “I do not condemn you, either. Go. From now on, sin no more.”
It’s interesting. There were so many Jesus met who crossed the line of sin—people like tax-collectors, a woman at the well, and this woman, caught in adultery. Yet Jesus never seemed angered about their lives, their sin. Instead he refused to condemn these people, many times connecting with them on a deeper level and changing their lives.
But some people did anger Jesus. He said mean things to them. Called them snakes, vipers, hypocrites. Not the kind of things to be shared in polite company. As a result, Jesus probably didn’t get invited to the high-society parties.
One of these verbal rebukes comes just after Jesus’ encounter with the adulterous woman. Once she is gone, the Pharisees show up with questions, as they always did. They were the religious leaders of the day, the smart people who declared themselves purveyors of truth and righteousness.
Jesus claimed to be the light of the world, and the Pharisees were not interested. A debate ensued, leading to their question, “Where is your father?”
The answer could have been, “In Heaven, where He sits on His throne.” But Jesus’ answer wasn’t about where his father was. It was about who his father was. And his answer cut them to the quick.
“You know neither me nor my father; if you knew me, you would know my father also.”
Think about it. Jesus told the very people who thought they knew religion better than anyone that they didn’t know God at all. And oh, by the way, they didn’t know him, either. Quite a statement.
Jesus saved his anger for these people. But the adulterous woman? No condemnation for her, only love and a desire to see her whole again.
You know what? This is what we do. Our mission is not about calling out religious leaders, but it is to reach those who Jesus touched with kind words. Many come in our doors feeling condemned and worthless—even if they don’t admit it. Let’s love them. Build them up. Help them find a second chance.
And if someone comes along to condemn those we serve, maybe we need to call them out. After all, it’s what Jesus would do.
by Kirk Walden, Advancement SpecialistHeartbeat International
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