By Mary Peterson, Housing Consultant
Ever tossed a coin into the air, caught it, and cupped it on the back of your hand to see if it's "heads" or "tails?"
It's a classic way of making simple decisions. The two sides of the coin are unique, each with distinguishing marks, but together, they make one coin.
In the context of our maternity homes, we face a wide variety of challenging situations. We know we must always respond in love, that's a given. But just as there are two sides to a coin, there are two sides to the love we live out in our homes: tough and unconditional.
Rather than the random response of a coin toss, though, we get to choose which side of the “love coin” to apply in any given situation.
Tough love is the love of coaches, teachers, and mentors. It’s the love that says, "I know there’s more in you, and I want you to challenge you to make the most of it." It’s the love of accountability and direct feedback.
Tough love involves rules, structures, and consequences. It’s the type of love God expresses when He prunes and judges, when He commands us how to live, and when He allows consequences to unfold.
Unconditional love is the love of friends and family. It’s the love that says, "No matter what, I am going to love you." It’s the love of second chances, leniency, and forgiveness. Unconditional love involves overlooking things said in anger, or giving the benefit of the doubt when another isn't at their best.
Unconditional love is expressed in those special moments when a mother gazes at her child. Mercy and forgiveness are expressions of the unconditional nature of God’s love.
As a people defined by love, we are not called to become merely hard-nosed rule-enforcers nor feeble doormats. Love is not an either-or proposition. Love requires the both-and virtue of fierce tenderness, unconditional-yet-expectant.
We are called to live out both dimensions of love— tough and unconditional—in the context of relationship as we face daily life in our maternity homes. But we need the Holy Spirit’s help to know when and how to rightly apply love in each situation, and so we pray:
Come Holy Spirit! Make us more capable of perfect love!
Tina Turner got it wrong.
When answering with the question, "what's love got to do with it?" she called it “a second-hand emotion." No way. In the Christian walk, love is both the ultimate goal (being unified in Love with God) and the way to get there (loving God and our neighbor).
In our homes, the demands of love are a constant invitation to show up, speak up, and lift up. Here’s a few ideas for how you live and love incarnationally within the work of maternity homes—loving tough, yet unconditionally.
There is a spiritual insight that suffering expands one's capacity to love. The women who join our homes have often known great suffering—some due to their own decisions and some due to the horrific decisions of others.
We have the noble challenge of trying to help each mother understand that the heartache of their lives can produce a bedrock strength and a beautiful ability to love deeply. Starting with themselves and their children.
As we exercise compassion—literally, suffering with—the moms, we too are being perfected in love!
by Mary Peterson, Housing Consultant
I call it, "we are the world" love.
It's a slightly sarcastic way to describe the love that brings together a lot of different people with different ideas around a noble purpose, but it lasts just long enough to sing a song.
As we know too well, real love, the kind of love that brings deep and lasting unity, only happens when people start bumping into one another. And, although they may feel a little bruised, love starts when individuals choose to listen, to forgive, to seek understanding, to communicate better, to try again. Part of the joy of being a Coalition of maternity housing providers is in the variety of perspectives that are included. We are unified in our common work of offering housing to pregnant women, but we differ on many other issues: staffing models, doctrinal nuances, and length of stay, just to name a few.
Because our work as maternity home providers often involves deep personal sacrifice, it is easy for us to bring passion and investment to the conversation. As we begin the work of building the National Maternity Housing Coalition, we may bump into each other just a bit. But as this happens, we have several things on our side. First is the wisdom acquired from 42 years of holding various works and perspectives together within the same organization. Heartbeat International has been a leader is choosing the difficult but rewarding path of unity amid diversity. Heartbeat has seen again and again that we truly are "better together."
Second, there is the palpable sense of possibility in our work. Whenever leaders from homes are talking to one another, the ideas start flying. In addition, there are deep rumblings of movement in the arena of housing—more interest in starting homes, new programs under discussion, and deeper connection to the pro-life movement. More, new, deeper...all are rumblings of movement.
Finally, we cling to our God who values unity so deeply that He expresses Himself as a union of persons. It is our God, a living unity, who teaches us and gives us the grace to be forgiving, merciful, generous, and kind when we bump into one another.
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