by Kelly McCallister, BSN, RN, LAS 

“Dysfunction begets dysfunction.” This is what my father shared with me as I sat across from him during a very difficult time in my life. In some ways, I think it was him taking ownership of his own failures as a parent. Being a parent, we quickly learn that no parent is perfect.

My father’s sentiment has stayed with me and fueled a desire to stop the dysfunction with my own family. I did not want to see dysfunction in the lives of my children or grandchildren. We all make our own decisions, but how we make them is often influenced by those around us.

Our fathers shape our life.

Whether they intend it or not, how we see everything and experience relationships is filtered through our fathers. It is no surprise that they are actually a strong voice in whether or not we have life. Many women choose life based on what the father of their baby encourages. Dads have a loud voice, even in the quietest of moments.

According to HealthChildren.org, mothers are 50% more likely to get the care they need during pregnancy when the baby’s father is involved. The health and well-being of both mom and baby can be improved by a father that remains present and engaged. Research supports that fathers affect a child’s development, vocabulary, social confidence, and even cardiometabolic health. Interestingly enough, it is also mentioned that having a relationship with a child can make a positive difference in the life of a Dad. This mutually beneficial relationship is a gift from God.

We serve in a unique setting that can foster the involvement of Dads. Affording him the opportunity to see his child for the very first time is an honor and a privilege. Witnessing and intentionally encouraging the beginning of a bond that will last a lifetime is sacred.

The courage of fathers to stand up and stop generational dysfunction is extraordinary. This should be applauded and celebrated. Fathers can influence life or death for future generations. The spoken word is powerful. In fact, scripture teaches that death and life are in the power of the tongue.

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit." Proverbs 18:21

Our fathers shape our view of God.

Our Heavenly Father is a good, good Father. When our earthly fathers show us a chasm that is so far from Who God really is, it is hard for us to come to terms with the simple fact that the Father of all creation actually cares and wants to spend time with us. The notion that He wants to fix what is broken is often an astonishing contrast to the earthly father that may have broken it - and frankly, hard to believe at times. Yet, we are called to honor our fathers.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother" (this is the first commandment with a promise), that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Ephesians 6:1-3

Our Heavenly Father reshapes us.

Our Heavenly Father allowed Jesus to suffer so much torment. And, Jesus? He took it all, willingly. Why? Because a relationship with YOU was at the forefront for our Heavenly Father and our Savior. You made the sacrifice worth it.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

In turn, we honor our fathers not because they are always deserving, but because we serve a God that is. One with a huge heart and outspread arms. We do it for Him. As we are obedient and faithful to God, He is using that for His, sometimes unseen, purpose.

We honor those fathers who have stepped up and made the brave decision to be there. To be present. To say that this child is worth it. To come alongside the mother of his child and protect her. To shepherd his family. We honor the fathers who have desperately reached out to the Abortion Pill Reversal Hotline, seeking a second chance for their children. To those who have supported her decision to change her mind and continue her pregnancy. To those who have found fatherhood to be the greatest blessing of their lives.

Most fathers are still a work in progress and in need of much mercy and grace.

Therefore, we also honor, oftentimes with some boundaries in place, those fathers who have let us down, walked away, or given us every reason to doubt. Not because they deserve the honor, but because God is good and because of His goodness we are here and He deserves our honor.

Helping shape the fathers we serve.

As we serve men in our Pregnancy Help Medical Clinics, let us speak life over him. Let us affirm his presence. Empower him to step into the fatherly role that he has been gifted, breaking down any generational strongholds that may have previously existed. Provide resources geared towards him being a positive leader in the life of his child.

Dysfunction does not always have to beget dysfunction. There can be an exception and a change in the trajectory for generations to come. What legacy do we want to leave our children?

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! 1 John 3:1a