by Dr. Joe Malone, PhD, CFE, LWMC, CPT

Women often express to me that they like it when a man displays chivalry toward them. They like to be treated like a lady. (This is why Jane Austen’s books and Hallmark movies are so popular with women!) Women have an innate longing for traditional courtship, traditional marriage, and traditional family. In other words, they want the kind of life that, in many cases, their great-grandparents and grandparents had. A life of fulfillment in a committed relationship for a lifetime. They want to get back to romance. That’s why I believe there is a “romance revolt” taking shape across Western societies.

What is the foundation of this? Well, I believe it starts with the beginning of human history. From the very start, God made human females to be a "one man woman."

“Your desire will be for your husband...” Genesis 3:16 CSB

Currently, we seem to be in a season where there is a relational revolt happening all over the Western world. I call it a “Romance Revolt.” Women are beginning to demand the return of romance and respect between the sexes.

A Lesson From History

It is common for many people living in the 21st century, who are largely unaware of history – especially the history of sexuality – to think that the natural course of things is for cultural conditions to become more and more sexualized as time goes on. However, it should give us great hope to know that in fact, history is not linear but cyclical in its nature; we have gone from periods of sexual integrity to sexual anarchy and back several times in the last several centuries.

The pendulum swinging back and forth has been the actual course of history.

“What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 1:9 NIV

For over a thousand years, from the beginning of the Middle Ages to the 1600s, there was more and more sexual integrity practiced by society. That started to change from about 1660 to approximately 1800, with more and more sexual anarchy being practiced during the period of what is ironically called “The Enlightenment.” From approximately 1800 until 1920, there was a return to predominant sexual integrity in what is called the “Victorian era.” From 1920 into the 21st century, we have experienced more and more sexual anarchy. But I believe that the pendulum is beginning to swing back to sexual integrity.

We must recognize that history goes in cycles and is not a linear straight line going from more sexual integrity in the past to less sexual integrity and more sexual anarchy as time has gone on. There’ve been times of sexualization in society and then times of greater sexual integrity in response to the harm that the culture has experienced because of sexual anarchy. I believe, and the studies show, that we are at the beginning of one of those times.

Studies Show…

This seems to have started to take shape as early as 2015 when the dating app, OkCupid, shared its new survey research data.

In 2005, OkCupid had begun asking questions like “Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?” In contrast to 2005, in 2015 every single demographic group was more likely to say “no.” Heterosexual women were the statistical leaders with 25% being less likely to say “yes.” When they were asked, “Would you date someone just for sex?” again, every single demographic group said “no” more than in 2005. There was an overall drop of 10% in 10 years. (Kelly Cooper, 2021)

More evidence that agrees with this trend is a large U.S. national research study of over 3,000 young adults and high school students that was released in 2017 by Harvard University. It found that a large majority of young adults are overestimating how many other young people are hooking up. This study also showed that 85% of young adults would prefer other options over hooking up, such as hanging out with friends or having sex only within a committed relationship. (Weissbourd et al., 2017)

Back To Romance!

What do women really want? Their God-given, innate nature compels them to want to get back to romance! From both my personal experience and extensive research I have found that a large majority of women want to return to a world where there is commonly a relationship of love and respect between men and women. This entails returning to a culture where sex is reserved for its proper place: within a meaningful marriage full of true love and romance!

I will leave you with this to support that perspective. I conducted 21 qualitative interviews with single, post-college women. There were 12 questions asked altogether. The following is an excerpt of an answer to a question about hookup culture versus romance and attitude toward chivalry:

“I want to be treated like a lady. I want to be spoiled. All the doors opened, chairs pulled out, escort me down the sidewalk. The whole nine. My grandfather wrote my grandmother’s name in the sand while he was in the army, took a picture with her name and sent it back to the United States with his letter.”

For more perspective on this, I invite you to join me for a recently recorded conversation with Lora Current. Watch it here!

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Sources

1. Kelly Cooper. (2021, August 10). A Digital Decade: Sex. Theblog.OkCupid.com; OkCupid. https://theblog.okcupid.com/a-digital-decade-sex-c95e6fb6296b

2. Weissbourd, R., Anderson, T., Cashin, A., & Mcintyre, J. (2017). The Talk: How Adults Can Promote Young People’s Healthy Relationships and Prevent Misogyny and Sexual Harassment. In Making Caring Common (p. 6). https://mcc.gse.harvard.edu/s/mcc_the_talk_final.pdf

by Lori Kuykendall, MPH, President of Beacon Health Education Services

Optimal Health was originally defined in 2009 as "a dynamic balance of physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual health." Like-minded leaders in the previous presidential administration succeeded in having The Optimal Health Model published on the government’s website, and it is used widely in the Sexual Risk Avoidance field. Optimal Health concepts help serve clients with community education and prevention programs.

The definition of "optimal health" includes key concepts for helping people achieve the best outcomes in all five dimensions: physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual. Read each of the three statements below carefully and see how applicable they are to serving clients.

1. "Health promotion is the art and science of helping people discover the synergies between their core passions and optimal health, enhancing their motivation to strive for optimal health, and supporting them in changing their lifestyle to move toward a state of optimal health."

What pregnancy help organizations (PHOs) do every day is both an “art and science” of prayerfully guiding clients toward optimal health, enhancing each person’s motivation, and providing positive support. We can help clients better understand their core needs and passions shaping their behavior (both helpful and harmful) and begin to take small steps toward choices that promote and protect their physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual health.

2. "Lifestyle change can be facilitated through a combination of learning experiences that enhance awareness, increase motivation, build skills, and most importantly, through the creation of opportunities that open access to environments that make positive health practices the easiest choice."

We have an incredible opportunity to provide personalized learning experiences that are both practical and inspirational, with the hopes of fostering a better environment for making better choices.

3. One other Optimal Health concept that gives direction and helps to set reasonable expectations for serving those coming to us in high-risk environments: Optimal Health "measures success by the degree of movement away from risk."

The target image with "high risk", "low risk" and "no risk" helps give perspective for where our clients are, and where we can hope to support them. It guides us in working together with them to set reasonable goals moving toward lower levels of risk, and ideally on to no risk. Some examples of this are questions like "Is not having sex an option for you?" or "What steps could you take to move away from this unhealthy relationship?" Depending on the client’s unique situation and your center’s services, you may be able to discuss STD testing or other services you offer. These "risk reduction" measures require wisdom and discernment but can help facilitate an ongoing relationship with the client with the continued goal of moving them to a no-risk environment.

Concerning community education and prevention programs, the Optimal Health Model allows an emphasis on “primary prevention” in sexual health education. We want to help those at no risk (as are most young people who haven’t been involved with sexual activity yet) to have the awareness and motivation that this is the best choice for their whole-person well-being. We give clear, positive messages that normalize avoiding sexual risk by avoiding sexual activity. Students who are engaged in at-risk behaviors are encouraged that a no-risk status is an achievable option that brings both short and long-term flourishment. The Optimal Health Model emphasizes all aspects of nonmarital sexual activity and its associated physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and intellectual risks while promoting the whole-person benefits to be realized in preserving all sexual activity for marriage.

The Optimal Health model is a strong tool for use both inside and outside the pregnancy center. It is future-facing and provides guidance and hope by encouraging all toward well-being and flourishment.

Over the two years that we have been working to launch the new Women’s Sexual Wellness resource, Dr. Joe has been serving the Heartbeat network by speaking in various venues providing training, inspiration, and empowerment. And it’s created quite a buzz! Here’s what pregnancy help leaders are saying:

-"Dr. Joe is a world-class presenter with a unique knowledge base that most people wouldn’t even think to study. Whether he’s discussing attraction and how quickly it is established or the effects of oral contraception on sexual desire, the listener will be fascinated to hear about how the science involved impacts our relationships. He is versatile with his presentation, able to keep the interest of single teens and longtime married couples alike. Dr. Joe is an invaluable speaker for anyone who wants to know more about having a healthy life and successful relationships..."

-"It was so informative. It will greatly impact our conversations with clients. Our staff continues to talk about the amazing facts from your presentation and your book!"

-“I attended a gathering of pregnancy resource centers where Dr. Joe was presenting. What impressed me the most was his calm, articulate presentation style all while expounding on complex brain and hormone functions. His knowledge is not only vast but absolutely imperative for those engaged in women’s (and men’s) physical and mental health realms. The joy and ease with which he addresses this information helped me better understand our clients, and myself because he offers the ‘how’ and ‘why’ behind how our brains, bodies, and hormones interact. I’m in my 50s and been discussing sexual integrity for years — I only wish I had had this information sooner! Dr. Joe is a must-read for, literally, everyone!”

-"We are excited to bring what you taught us into the consulting room. God has great things in store for the women (and men) who will be changed by your research!"

-"Dr. Malone has extensive knowledge of the science behind sexual integrity…our center benefitted from having him share with our staff, volunteers, and young professionals…and what he brings has been helpful in the consulting room.  I hope others in the pregnancy help space will read this book and glean from what Dr. Malone has to offer."

-"We are excited to witness the fruit your presentation will bear in our community!"

-"Dr. Malone worked with our staff to better understand the hearts of the women and men we care for. He cared deeply about what God was doing in our ministry, the experiences of our clients on college campuses, and about what our staff were experiencing. He asked us good questions and prayed for us. Dr. Malone then gave us solid science that completely supports the inerrancy of Scripture. We learned what our clients were experiencing physically as they experienced the consequences of hook-up culture including broken relationships, assault, depression, trauma, etc. His presentations were exactly what we needed to bring clarity to some of the mysteries of working with clients and unplanned pregnancies. For example: Why does my client keep going back to such destructive relationships? Dr. Malone understands the God-given nature of sexual wellness and explained how God made our bodies, mind, and soul for purity and serves as an amazing resource for our ministry."

Stay tuned to Heartbeat resources to hear more on Sexual Wellness and from Dr. Joe in publications, webinars, podcasts, and conferences. For information on booking Dr. Joe, contact:

Colin Hearn
Program Director
Enlighten Communications
303-888-6876
This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

by Beth Diemert, Director of Affiliate Services

Children between the ages of two and five experience brain development, marking the beginning of often their favorite question: “Why?” Seeking understanding, children ask 'why' to understand what they are seeing or experiencing.

As adults, many of us still question things and wonder why, often about things that we innately know, but don’t really understand. We want to understand the way things work. We want to know the why behind them. It is just human nature!

Understanding why requires inquisitiveness, logic, persistence, patience, courage, and tact; often going against the grain to discover truths—even against the current of popular opinion.

Appreciating the Science Behind Sexual Wellness

In the pregnancy help movement, we have learned over the years (with immense admiration) the pioneering efforts in the field of prevention from dedicated abstinence educators. (We truly stand on the shoulders of giants in this field!)

Recently, we’ve come to realize that we can still bring significance to what has already been done: the scientific evidence of what was being taught about sexual integrity is supported by science, aligned with the scientific fact of the positive benefits and rewards of living a healthy lifestyle.

The study of science has enriched our lives for hundreds of years.  Today, new cutting-edge science can be utilized to bolster the education and empowerment of women to new heights. Our current release of the new Women’s Sexual Wellness handbook, written with Dr. Joe Malone, PhD, SRAS, CPT, LWMC, CFE, brings the why!

The handbook is designed to equip pregnancy help teams with the cutting-edge science on sexuality and human development, so they can both understand and present women’s sexuality in a scientifically rooted way and equip young women to better understand and self-manage their sexual behavior.

Science shows that women are magnificently built through brain biochemistry and brain architecture to be the exquisite gatekeepers of sexuality.

From Dr. Malone’s extensive work with college women, he found that young women thrive in an atmosphere of positive motivation and a supportive community. However, like Eve in the Garden, when told not to do something, humans tend to react. We struggle with rebellion and the desire to know why. The good news is that women can now be shown! We can now tell them why—scientifically—and help them to trust their instinctual sexual natures that are genetically encoded for exclusive sexual relationships inside the commitment of marriage.

The "Why" Behind Sexual Wellness

Knowledge is power, and women can be truly empowered with the scientific knowledge of biologically-based research. This knowledge shows that the whole person (male and female) benefits from living a traditional relationship lifestyle. Rather than a negative restriction, it provides a positive opportunity for human flourishing! It enlightens, empowers, and validates what women already know.

Women can learn to enjoy and have confidence in the good outcomes that exercising this gift of self-mastery will have in their lives. It aligns with their design and helps them to successfully accomplish what they are looking for, and avoid working against their own nature!

Heartbeat International is pleased to release the Women’s Sexual Wellness handbook. We believe it is the next crucial step toward Heartbeat’s life-saving vision—a world where every new life is welcomed and children are nurtured within strong families, according to God’s Plan—while helping to accomplish our life-saving mission—to Reach and Rescue as many lives as possible through an effective global network of life-affirming pregnancy help that Renews communities for LIFE.

We are grateful for the research on brain science that leads to and supports women’s sexual wellness as a new pathway that advances our vision and mission!

by Dr. Joe Malone, PhD, CPT, LWMC, CFE

Some in our 21st-century Western culture are advocating many new relationship types. These include hookups, friends with benefits, throuples, cohabitation, polyamory, and more. They say that we need to be liberated from our sexually repressed lifestyles. The philosophy is that if it feels good we should do it with as many different people as we choose. When it stops feeling good or gets old, we can switch to another or others. Being personally happy is the ultimate goal in life for each of us individually and the most important gifts are the ones we give to ourselves in the pursuit of pleasure, no matter how it affects the other people in our lives ( such as exes, children, etc.).

A CHRISTIAN DISTINCTIVE

Sometimes we don’t realize the value of the gift of sex in a loving monogamous relationship that we share with the love of our life, our spouse. An outstanding hallmark of Christianity from the beginning has been monogamous marriage. Christians stood out within their communities because of it. It has also stood the test of time and there are so many benefits to sex within a monogamous marriage. Let’s take a look at some of them.

First of all, sex is a great releaser of stress. Sex within marriage doesn’t carry all of the negative baggage that sex previous to, or otherwise outside of marriage carries like guilty feelings, regret, worry about STIs, or an unintended pregnancy with someone who is not your spouse.

BENEFITS ON MANY LEVELS

Sex within marriage leads to greater and greater levels of intimacy. You get to know each other better and better in a way that no one else on earth does. This helps develop a trusting relationship that is sure and steady. In happy marriages, this can have interesting physical benefits. Happily married couples' blood pressure drops when they sleep together. Their heartbeats synchronize as well. Their hearts literally beat as one because of the assurance that they have that their spouse loves them absolutely and has their back at all times.

The physical contact involved in this helps us to bond more strongly all of the time. There are endorphin receptors throughout the skin covering of the body and they react to intimate and loving touch, which generates endogenous (or internal) endorphins, a kind of super relaxant. Hugs contribute to this, and married couples are encouraged to hug each other at least eight times per day.

LIFE LENGTHENING AND ENHANCING

Another great benefit of married sex is that it is anti-aging. Cells in the body that are anti-inflammatory are released during sexual activity. This helps the body to be able to repair more effectively and seems to be a built-in way that the wellness and well-being of the married couple are enhanced.

Sex within marriage raises our immune system by causing the release of an antibody called immunoglobin A. This helps protect our bodies against invasive bacteria and viruses. A lifelong marriage is a very holistic stabilizing factor physiologically for a couple.

SLEEP LIKE A HUSBAND AND WIFE

An awesome married sex life helps us sleep better because oxytocin is released substantially after orgasm. Cuddling afterward and going to sleep is very natural and healthy. It helps us to have healthier-looking skin as it promotes blood circulation, and it even helps women to have lighter periods. Many women have cramps during their monthly period, and regular sex to orgasm can make a difference through frequent uterine contractions that help expel toxins and tissues.

Sex within marriage raises our moods and gives us a more positive outlook on our spouse. If we are reflective we see that its benefits go far beyond immediate pleasure. When we look at the physical and spiritual fruits of our married sexual relationship: our children and grandchildren, it is obvious that this is definitely one of God’s most important gifts to us. After all, His first words to humanity were to go forth and multiply. As they say, this is the gift that keeps on giving.

GOD’S WAY IS ALWAYS THE BEST WAY

Married sex is a wonderful example of men and women displaying consistency, intentionality, and most of all faithfulness. This is what God intended for humans and without doubt, it is best for us. As noted above, it pays dividends multi-generationally to a family and then to all of the lives a family influences in their lifetime. As we have seen before, it is always in our best interests to do things God’s way. Profound and magnificent blessings follow in that pathway. One path leads to death, the other path leads to life. Let’s choose life!

"Marriage is to be honored by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled, because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers."

Hebrews 13:4 CSB

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This article was originally published on Faithandfitness.net by Joe Malone, PhD, CPT, LWMC, CFE. It has been republished here with permission and adapted for our audience. The views expressed remain those of the original author.