by Mary Peterson, Housing Specialist

There is no doubt. The situations that women are bringing into maternity homes, pregnancy centers, and adoption agencies have grown more and more complex. Addiction and drug seeking behaviors have become more of a regular occurrence often in conjunction with childhood trauma, criminal histories, sexual abuse, and more.

In an effort to think deeply about how to best serve women who wrestle with addiction, the Leadership Council of the National Maternity Housing Coalition sat down with leaders from Amethyst, a healing community for drug and alcohol dependent women, located in Columbus, Ohio.

The Amethyst model focuses on teaching women how to support one another, how “to do community” as Ginnny O'Keeffe, the Founding CEO noted. This emphasis on relationship is deep in the origins of Amethyst. O'Keeffe recalled the founding of Amethyst as a community of visionary women who came together "as they were getting well" to support the unique needs of other women in recovery.

Sara Niemeyer, the Director of Clinical Services, brought attention to one of these unique components: "The drive to be a good mother is deep in women, even if she has struggled as a mother due to her addiction" she described. "In fact, one of the final aspects of denial that a woman in recovery must face is her faults as a mother." O'Keeffe chimed in, "That can be used for good though! If a woman won't enter a program for her own sake, she may be convinced to enter for the sake of her children."

Amethyst has long been aware of the relationship between trauma and addiction and keeps up to date on research and new findings. Outlining the stages of the Amethyst program, Niemeyer noted that women may be able to address addiction issues (i.e. relapse plan, knowledge of triggers) more quickly than they can address traumas. "Self-regulation techniques allow women to control the physiological response that kicks in when trauma is triggered in women, " she taught us. "Self-regulation skills like deep breathing and stretching are extremely effective at getting women out of freeze, flight, or fight mode." "For women, addressing grief and loss is the gateway to addressing traumas," O'Keeffe added. "As women we have to learn to feel our feelings in healthy ways."

Pregnancy help organizations often wrestle with what they can do without skilled practitioners in addiction recovery on staff. When that question was posed to the Amethyst team, O'Keeffe was quick to respond, "Clinicians, peers in recovery, supportive individuals...ALL have a role in recovery. It’s a team—use whatever tools you can!"

The discussion begun with the powerful testimony of one of the Amethyst clients. She began by sharing the events of her childhood and summed up by saying, "I lost my voice." It was evident to all in attendance that she had re-found her voice at Amethyst, speaking of her future with clarity and hope. In her story, the housing leaders in attendance heard echoes from the situations of many women they had served. And they carried home a message of hope.

To learn more about this program, please refer to their website: www.amethyst-inc.org/.

Additional Advice from the Staff of Amethyst

• Be aware of pain medication after birth as a problem area for those with addiction.
• Get releases from all past treatment programs as part of intake.
• Women don’t do “street homelessness” the same way that men do. They often find multiple people to bunk with.
• Often the biggest fear in entering a treatment program for the mother is that she will lose her children. A key message to communicate is “we can help you keep your children.”
• Encourage and provide opportunities for women to continue to come together as a community once they leave the program.
• Smoking triggers the same pleasure center in the brain as does alcohol and drugs and thus, is not allowed and treated as part of treatment at Amethyst. The program provides nicotine replacement.
• Have an attitude of “what has happened to you?” rather than “what did you do?” Much of women’s trauma is related to authority figures. As women are interacting with authority figures, it may be a trigger.
• If a woman doesn’t fully report traumas in her life, it may be that she is not sharing due to trust issues OR that she does not remember.
• The clients are the best source of information on new trends in drug-seeking behaviors and what is being used.

by Jennifer Minor, Editor/Writer

In the follow-up to the Heartbeat International Annual Conference, one of my favorite things is the chance to listen to workshop recordings I might be interested in (Did you know you can order recordings of these workshops here?).

This year, Stephanie Libertore’s "Discover the Key to Authentic Intimacy" jumped out at me.

And I’m glad it did.

As Libertore says, “We have a need to know, a need to be known, and a need for love and acceptance—that’s our need for intimacy. We want intimacy.”

Being a young woman pretty close to the target audience of the pregnancy help movement, I’m always fascinated by how we approach the topic of intimacy. My experience has been so colored by movies, music, television, and the "cool" culture that I couldn’t begin to say what might be an expression of intimacy other than sex.

Though I know intimacy involves much more than one physical expression, Libertore gets it right when she says most young people equate "intimacy" with sex as a one for one.

“If sex is not the indicator of true intimacy, then what is?” she asks.

It’s a great question. If it’s really true that we long for intimacy, to know and be known—and we do—then how can we fulfill that need?

One comfort is the reminder that God wants this kind of intimacy with us. Libertore speaks straight to my heart (with scholarship in etymology) when she points out the Hebrew word yada, most often translated "to know".

Now yes, the first use of the word yada is in Genesis with Adam and Eve where Adam “knew” Eve and she conceived and bore a son. But yada is used for so much more. Yada is about perception, understanding, seeing, experiencing, and willingness. It’s the way God wants to know us and wants us to know Him.

Intimacy, as Libertore points out, is best expressed in the phonetic rendering: "into me see."

“I think the key to genuine intimacy is vulnerability,” Libertore says.

Being vulnerable does allow us to know and be known, and if shared with someone who loves us, to be accepted for exactly who we are. It’s the way the psalmist speaks of God in Psalm 139. “O LORD, You have searched me and known me... Search me, O god, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts.” Psalm 139:1, 23

The same word, yada, being used for both of these instances, tells us something about God, intimacy, and sex. It is the great reminder that sexual intercourse should be a reflection of the kind of intimacy God wants with us.

But sadly, as Libertore points out, young people often fall instead for what she dubs a "virtual intimacy"—an incomplete parody of the genuine article.

This is why so many make the same mistakes over and over again, hoping the same poor decision will lead to a better result next time around. The problem is, between the emotional and physical bonding forged through sexual intercourse, it becomes more and more difficult to form healthy relationships with the opposite sex. 

No wonder the Bible tells us over 100 times to avoid sexual immorality. Maybe this is why some women come to our pregnancy centers over and over again for the same meeting.

What’s the key to unlocking the right conversation—one that might finally open the door to seeing sex as something holy, with a purpose, and only to be shared between husband and wife?

I’ll let Libertore give you the specific keys, but it all starts with understanding where a young woman is coming from. (Here’s a clue: she doesn’t think of sex as holy. She might think it’s dirty, overrated, a tool, or harmless fun, but she doesn’t think it’s a reflection of the type of intimacy God wants with us.)

It’s our job to show her that and help her to unlock authentic intimacy.

Click here to order recordings of this workshop, or any of the 2016 Heartbeat International Annual Conference keynotes or workshops at egami.com.

by Kirk Walden, Advancement Specialist

At the signing of the Declaration of Independence, the wise Ben Franklin reportedly told his colleagues as he penned his signature, “We must, indeed, all hang together, or most assuredly we shall all hang separately.”

The men who adopted the Declaration on July 4, 1776 and would later sign it were to be sure, a diverse bunch, certainly in faith. They were Catholic, Congregationalists, Presbyterians, Quakers, Episcopalians; there were even Biblical Unitarians (not to be confused with today’s universalists) such as John Adams, who would later become president of the American Bible Society.

These signers likely had great discussions regarding faith in their moments away from Independence Hall; but when it came to forming a new nation, they were united.

Franklin’s reported words were a reminder that while the signers had differences regarding what type of government they thought best for the fledgling nation, and even differences in how (or whether) they worshipped, it was vital that they stick together for the sake of a new confederation of states.

For if they lost their independence by not “hanging together,” all would surely be hanged for treason.

While we in the pregnancy help community are not forming a country, and at least at this moment it doesn’t look like we will be jailed or hanged for our beliefs (which, we remember, is all too common for some of our brothers and sisters in other countries), there are parallels between we and our founders.

We face giant, well-funded opposition in the abortion industry, political leaders and the media. Our founders faced the most powerful nation on earth.

We started as a rag-tag bunch when we consider our beginnings and those first meetings in homes and around kitchen tables, many years ago. Our founders could not even fund their own military properly.

And the most striking parallel? We are a diverse bunch. We are wealthy and blue collar, we are educated and we are getting an education every day in the school of hard knocks, we are Catholic and we are Protestant, we are young and we are, shall we say, seasoned.

But as a community, we hang together. We’re not always perfect, but neither were our founding fathers. They had their moments of division, but they came back and united once again. So do we.

As we remember this Independence Day, we remember our founders who hung together. As we go forward in the revolution for life, we will hang together as well.

by Dawn Lunsford, Associate Director of Academy

Heartbeat Academy is celebrating an important milestone, as more than 3,000 students from around the world attended and completed training online in May, 2016 alone.

Although this number of students is certainly cause to celebrate, what we celebrate goes beyond these 3,000 students as we look to the ripple effect ongoing training and continuing education has on the pregnancy help movement worldwide.

Heartbeat International originally launched our Academy in 2011 to make training on key manuals and dynamic speakers just a click away, empowering pregnancy help organizations right where you are, in whatever issue or situation you are facing, with on-demand training.

The software and technology that power Heartbeat Academy provide plenty of numbers to identify, study, and celebrate.

We celebrate as students rack up hundreds of training hours each month, thousands a year. We celebrate each hour of credit toward the Life Affirming Specialist designation earned. But what brings us true joy, true cause to rejoice, is when we hear about the effect ongoing training has had on our students themselves and the organizations with which they are involved.

The most important thing students learn in the Academy is not in a course, but is in realizing the profound effect ongoing training can have on staff—not to mention clients, organizations and communities.

I can’t help but smile at God’s planning when learning that a center with a successful Abortion Pill Reversal story first heard about the procedure and the APR network from their volunteer nurse who logged on because she needed the contact hour credit a year and a half ago.

Or, at the director who took a course on the Commitment of Care and Competence in case it would be good for a new staff member who had some downtime, only to find the content she needed for her next in-service.

Heartbeat Academy is positioned to equip you to have moments like these with the click of a mouse.

In addition to the pivotal information available in an on demand format, in 2013 Heartbeat Academy launched its first live hybrid course, ConCERT: Consultant Continuing Education Renewal and Training. ConCERT is an opportunity for staff and volunteers to train directly under Heartbeat staff.

The most common remark from students who have finished the course is, "This wasn't completely new information, but now I can see how it works in the big picture." Our students grow in confidence, skill, and understanding bringing all of that back to their organization and their community.

It’s not uncommon to speak to these students months or years later and hear how the course not only helped them grow professionally by earning the Life Affirming Specialist designation, but helped their organization as well. Our ConCERT training does so much to help leaders grow in essential areas like increasing their reach through media coverage, expanding services, and building partnerships with other organizations. 

So, while we wait and see what ripple effects we’ll see from the 3,000 students working in the Academy this past month, we rejoice at the opportunity to serve and invest in you. Whether by helping affiliated centers train volunteers through a private course, offering credit for nurses, or tackling current events with a dynamic webinar, the Academy is just one way Heartbeat is committed to coming alongside and continuing to help equip and empower pregnancy help organizations around the world.

Join over 3,000 students by choosing a class from the Heartbeat Academy today!

by Ducia Hamm, LAS, Associate Director of Affiliate Services

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11

Recently my husband and I went on a road trip to see our son and his family. The 5 hour drive gave us a lot of time to talk about our plans to buy a new home – plans which keep being derailed at every turn. To say we were voicing our frustrations with the whole thing is an understatement.

At one point in our conversation, the lyrics of the song playing in the background caught my attention:

“When God has another plan, walk on and just say yes...” (Oh boy-but I want things to go MY way!)

"When God has another plan, be assured that He knows best...”  (Yea, but God–you just don’t get it–we would live closer to work...think of all the gas and money that we would save.)

"When all your dreams are shattered, rest in His sufficient grace. We don’t have to understand, when God has another plan.” 

(When God Has Another Plan by the Greenes)

When I was the executive director of a pregnancy help ministry, we were always planning–the next fundraising event, new client programming, strategic planning with the Board...

Planning is essential to keep our ministries functioning effectively. But it’s hard work and we may be tempted to ask ourselves, “If God is going to do whatever He wants to do–do we even need to plan anything?”

By all means YES–keep planning while keeping this truth before you: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.

Sometimes God changes our plans. After the Wise Men brought their gifts to Jesus, for example. “And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Herod, they returned to their country by another route.” Matthew 2:12

Sometimes He says “Wait.” We need only think of Samuel’s mother Hannah and all the years she spent praying for a child.

Sometimes the Almighty orchestrates for His plans to be accomplished whether we like it or not.

Remember Jonah?

God told Jonah to go to Nineveh, but Jonah said no and took a ship in the opposite direction. God didn’t take no for an answer and gave Jonah three days in the belly of a fish to reconsider before depositing him on dry land. “Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time: “Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you.” Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord and went to Nineveh.” Jonah 3:1-3

Sometimes the Lord fulfills our plans. Nehemiah had a well laid out plan to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem – one problem, he was a mere servant for King Artaxerxes. Then something amazing happened – God opened the door for Nehemiah to share those plans with the King...long story short...the walls of Jerusalem were rebuilt in 52 days.

Let’s remember then, that even in the most thought out, best laid plans, we need to leave room for the Lord to work because His plans are “to prosper [us] and not to harm [us], plans to give [us] hope and a future.”

Servants of Excellence

“Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:4

Like the Proverbs in the Old Testament, many see James’ letter as the New Testament’s letter of wisdom. Throughout James we see practical advice on how live out our faith (“faith without works is dead,” for example), and this counsel begins in the opening verses as James talks of trials and their role in our lives.

Trials, James tells us, produce endurance and perseverance in our character. This perseverance he concludes, makes us whole, mature and complete, “lacking in nothing.”

Honestly, I do not wish for trials. If I want good company in this view, I need look no farther than Jesus who, when facing crucifixion—the greatest trial of all—asked that “this cup pass from me.” Yet Jesus knew that unless he submitted to God’s will, even he would not be complete in fulfilling his mission to save humankind.

Jesus pushed forth through this unfathomable trial and was able to say with his final words, “It is finished.” This was his defining moment, when all could see Jesus was “mature and complete, lacking in nothing” just as James wishes for us in his letter.

We only get to completeness by trial. Apparently, this is the path. The trials may sometimes be small, asking us to persevere when someone treats us poorly. Or, the trial may be incredibly large, such as a physical or health challenge, the loss of a loved one, or rejection by others.

Our next trial could be financial, relational, physical or mental. We don’t know, and that’s the thing about trials. Rarely do we see them coming.

Trials are surprising, sometimes shocking. Many times we do not understand the “whys” of our trial. All we know is that it is our mission to persevere, and to count this trial as “joy.”

Why joy? Because we know that when we persevere, we grow in the character of Jesus Christ. As we follow Jesus, we prepare ourselves for entrance into his kingdom.

And we are reminded of Jesus who saw his greatest trial as one of joy. We are told in Hebrews 12:2 that Jesus, “For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Jesus persevered. He endured. If anyone is “perfect and complete,” it is Jesus.

God offers us a similar opportunity. The path includes trial. It is not the easy way, but it is the only way.

Trials are coming. We will look at those trials not with happiness, but with joy. Because we know when we persevere, we will be everything God wants us to be.

by Kirk Walden, Advancement Specialist

by Sarah Saccone, Program Director, Lamb of God Maternity Home

So much has changed in the past 30 years with regards to adoption, especially as it relates to maternity homes.

In past decades, a woman would disappear to a maternity home cloaked in all of the shame of being pregnant out of wedlock. She would then re-enter her community, carrying a huge secret, and in many cases not even knowing into what family her baby was placed.

Although things today are completely different there are still misconceptions from some of our biggest family influences and in the media.

There is a great deal of confusion between private adoptions and foster care. Also, many beliefs that are deeply rooted in families that play a crucial role in what a woman in crisis knows and feels about adoption.

In today's society, pregnancy out of wedlock has become the norm. We as pro-lifers know that life is ALWAYS better than death and strive to work with women to aid them in making the best decisions for their babies and themselves. Sometimes women feel that the best form of parenting they can give, is to lovingly choose an eager couple to take on the job. It is OUR job as maternity home leaders to make absolutely certain that a woman making the courageous decision to place her baby is comfortable, supported, and well informed in our maternity homes. We have found that this can be a tricky task.

There is so much that goes into finding the perfect balance of honoring women who choose to parent and honoring women who choose to place. Below are ten ideas on how to make your maternity home more friendly to women who are making the decision to place their babies for adoption.

1. Use positive adoption language. Stay current with the words and phrasing that honors adoption as a heroic choice. Examples of this are placing or making an adoption plan vs giving up, parenting vs keeping, birth parent vs real parent.
2. Vet those coming into the home. Screen volunteers to be sure they are pro-adoption or at the very least, able to keep their opinions to themselves. Have regular training for staff so that they can speak about adoption with respect and ease.
3. Use personal experiences and stories with extreme caution. Allow each woman to experience adoption in her own way. She does not need to know that you were married at her age and made it work or that your cousin adopted children overseas who have significant challenges or that you watched an adoption story gone wrong on television.
4. Discuss clearly with each resident, upon admission, about their thoughts on parenting and placing and their ability to honor others’ decisions. Uphold an environment of respect for each mom's decisions and teach birth moms how to be advocates of their decision.
5. Baby showers are lovely but can be painful. While adoption-minded women may enjoy having baby items to send along with their child’s placement, there may be more appropriate ways to “shower” adoption-minded women (i.e. new pajamas, perfume, educational supplies.) Perhaps, there should also be the opportunity to opt out of the shower all together. Consider holding baby showers in a neutral location.
6. Note visual cues within the home. Look around your home at the photos, quotes, and artwork. Is it strongly suggestive of mother and child? Does each room come pre-stocked with baby items? Be sure that the message the home is promoting implicitly communicates support for adoption as a possible outcome.
7. Think of ways to make a woman who placed her baby feel loved, special, and honored when she comes home from the hospital. For example, a welcome basket, weighted Teddy Bear, or necklace with baby's name engraved may be appropriate gifts.
8. Match the adoption preparation with the parenting preparation. While women who are parenting go to parenting classes, women who are placing go to support groups. Bring in adoptive parents and adopted children to give their testimony. Find appropriate education and support for their decision. Create or use appropriate curriculum for each population.
9. Be mindful and empathetic. Don't gush over a resident’s baby right in front of a woman who is placing. Know that this will happen often so it doesn't need to also happen with their mentors and most trusted influences.
10. Acknowledge birth mom’s joy, loss, suffering, and strength. It's ok to talk about adoption! Women who choose adoption should know it will be the hardest decision of their lives and one that brings them much joy and strength. Rituals and other supportive procedures at key moments help to honor the individuals involved.

Sarah Saccone serves as the full-time Program Director for Lamb of God Maternity Home, daily giving witness to her passion for women in crisis pregnancy through the gift of adoption.Utilizing her Bachelor degree in Sociology from California State University of San Marcos, she worked as a counselor of homeless youth in a shelter-home atmosphere for nine years. She has served on the boards of several mental health non-profit organizations, been a long time volunteer for San Diego Hospice, and spent time teaching children in East Africa. She resides in San Diego, California.

Hooked
by Joe S. McIlhaney, Jr., MD and Freda McKissic Bush, MD

by Ducia Hamm LAS, Associate Director of Affiliate Services

Who of us has not heard these comments when addressing the subject of delaying sex until marriage with teens and adults alike...“You just don’t want me to have any fun!” “Everyone is doing it!” “We love each other so what does it matter if we’re married?”

Hooked is a must read for pregnancy help ministry staff, parents, those mentoring teens or young adults – truly for anyone interested in how our bodies were created by God to biologically form lasting, meaningful connections with each other.

Packed full of eye-opening, useful information, Hooked lays out, in easy to understand language, the recent research in the field of neuroscience confirming the adage that our brains are the largest and most important sex/relationship organ humans have.

Because of new state-of-the-art technology, some startling discoveries have been made. We have known for a while the bonding effects that oxytocin has in a woman’s brain when it is released during sex but did you know that men release vasopressin which has a very similar bonding effect in a man’s brain?

Scientists are now able to measure when and how much of specific chemicals are released and the corresponding changes the human brain experiences when we engage in sexual activity.

One of the most important discoveries talked about in Hooked is crucial information needed for a culture so accepting of casual sex, “...there is evidence that when [the] sex/bonding/breaking-up cycle is repeated a few or many times – even when the bonding was short-lived – damage is done to the important, built-in ability to develop significant and meaningful connection to other human beings.” (Pg. 55)

As I read Hooked, Psalms 139:13-14 kept coming to mind – “For it was You who created my inward parts; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I will praise You because I have been remarkably and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful, and I know this very well.”

We are indeed “remarkably and wonderfully made!” It is always exciting to see science corroborate what the Bible has always said – that sex is meant to be enjoyed to the fullest within the context of marriage between one man and one woman.

**One of the authors, Freda McKissic Bush, MD is a member of the Heartbeat International Medical Advisory Council, frequent presenter at the Heartbeat Annual Conference, Medical Director for Center for Pregnancy Choices in Mississippi and CEO of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health among many other activities and accomplishments.

by Jill Evans, Guest Writer

I’ll be honest. I can’t imagine facing a life and death battle in my everyday life. My days consist of diapers, sibling squabbles, meal preparation, and drinking coffee. God made me to be a mom, among other things. That is where my standing in life has brought me and where I know He wants me to invest my love and care. So different from a nursing medical career.

Isn’t that the beauty of life though? God placed such intricate passions within to stir and lead us. It is our passion which grounds us inside – knowing we are devoted and following this map through life which God has laid out in our desires.

In World War I, a young nurse name Alice Ross-King was stationed near the trenches in Armentieres, France. She was 28 and had only been at the hospital for five days. During a night in late July, the Germans began dropping bombs, five of which landed on the hospital. The first bomb dropped through the ceiling in front of her and threw her to the ground. Reports say that she was stunned for a few moments but once she had regained her bearings, she ran to assist those around her.

Now, if a bomb drops in front of me you’ll probably find me crying in a corner wishing I was safe under the covers of my childhood bed. But Alice ran toward the fight! She was later awarded a medal for her “great coolness and devotion to duty”. Being levelheaded and devoted – what a beautiful way to live. Is that not what nurses do every day? Run into the fray and fight to save lives – of babies, but also of scared mothers and fathers?

But, I can hear many saying that this was an extraordinary situation, fueled primarily by adrenaline. And it’s true. Alice Ross-King experienced a horrifying circumstance that the overwhelming majority would never find themselves in. The amazing reality is that nurses working in Pregnancy Help Medical Clinics are daily racing toward this fight, devoted, levelheaded, passionate.

Nehemiah 6:9b reads “Now strengthen my hands.” Four words but what powerful ones they are. Let that be your cry as you run toward the fight and it is our prayer for you!

Even though at times you might feel drained and as worn as the dishrag on my sink, every client who crosses the threshold of your center still needs you. They need you to run to them and to show God’s love in what might be the simplest yet most taxing way – to care for them, and this is why we take this week to express our utmost gratitude and appreciation for each and every one of you. You are AMAZING! We Celebrate You! Thank you for running to the aid of those who need you. You are strong and capable through the power of God. You are doing extraordinary work. May the Lord always strengthen your hands.

Jill Evans is the daughter of Heartbeat Medical Specialist, Susan Dammann, RN, LAS and a joyful mother.

Here at Heartbeat International, we get many surprises in the mail. Sometimes, these are great blessings, and this one is too good not to share. So if you read the note below and think it could be a blessing to others, please pass it on.

The note was written by a woman named Marion in Sandusky, Ohio to her granddaughter's friend. The young woman was about to head off to college to pursue a law degree and help those less fortunate. She found herself pregnant, but with courage, she continued, attending school, getting a job, and keeping her baby.

Marion was inspired by the young mother's story and decided to send her a note anonymously thanking her, from the point of view of her precious, little daughter. In the years since, she has done the same for new mothers in her life, and shared with her local pregnancy center, and now all of you!

Thank you, Mom!

Thank you, Mom, for keeping me safe, inside you

for taking care of yourself, while I was growing, inside

for my first breath of air, when I decided I wanted to be outside, with you

for your tender touch and soothing voice

for feeding me and keeping my bottom dry

for each time you held me when I cried, and talking to me, and making me smile

for keeping me warm and close to you....

Thank you, Mom, for loving me!

Your little one